So, I have been in a difficult relationship here lately. The “other” in this relationship is pushy, always yelling at me, in my face every day, pressures me to do things and is a master manipulator. I’m in a difficult relationship with “Time.”
The slow atmosphere of a small town can create the illusion that there is plenty of time. No one is in a real hurry to get places and the places they need to get to are not far away. Sunday is more often used as a lazy day of rest here than anywhere else. The kids aren’t growing up too fast, most of the meals had are at home and not at fast food restaurants, and slow, evening drives are commonplace.
However, time is an equalizer. It is something we all have in common and no matter the illusion, time is moving at the same pace for everyone.
My relationship with time here lately has been toxic. I feel as though there isn’t enough of it in the day. And it is always in my face yelling: “you’re 27,” “you haven’t published a novel yet,” “now is a good time to get a Masters,” “but you should also start having babies,” “also, don’t forget you want to travel the world…” It nags, screams, and manipulates me into making decisions and then makes me feel bad for making what it thinks are the wrong ones.
I have been desperately trying to parallel this thing called “time” with all of the things that I want to do. Yet, it mocks my efforts because “time” is something that cannot be controlled, despite its undeniable control on me.
So, like any other relationship, you must compromise. I am attempting to compromise with time by simply making the most of all of the time I have every day and in doing so, maybe I won’t feel its incessant nagging – I won’t be wasting my moments with it.
This is a working project and I am starting with just three steps. It looks something like this: 1) Get rid of all of the things that make me unhappy. I don’t want to go to bed at night regretting the day because it was spent doing something, or with someone, I didn’t enjoy. I find that those days are when “time” is the pushiest; 2) Begin doing more of what makes me happy. I think that if more of my days were spent doing things that made me smile consistently then maybe I wouldn’t mind time passing so quickly; 3) Make honesty and purity the most important thing. What I mean is I no longer want to be afraid of telling people how I really feel. I have been known to be a pushover, too soft and too afraid to hurt people’s feelings. What happens then is my feelings and my needs go unnoticed and then “time” laughs at me and reminds me that I am wasting what could be pure, raw moments of happiness with artificial fillers. I am using “Sweet N Low” when I could be using raw cane sugar.
I want to know if anyone else is up for this project. I will call it the “Cane Sugar Project.” Send me some mail guys. Share with me if you’re doing this and how it’s working. Ask me questions. Share with me what some of your sugary moments look like and what some of your Sweet N Low moments look like.
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